trying to cope, stuck for life

by stuck with this for life trying to cope

I was a virgin until i was twenty years old. after i had sex for the first time with one man i only slept with one other man using a condom with the second one then i had oral sex with another man. a couple days later after i had oral sex, i broke out with a couple sores on my vagina. I was in so much pain. i couldn't even touch them. I went to the doctor hoping he would tell me something simple and i could get medicine and it would just go away. Instead he said oh no and when he said that i knew it was bad. He told me i had genital herpes. i just lost it. i was so upset. the only things i could think was this was the end of my life. he said there's no cure. i thought how will i ever get married. who will except me? how will i ever have children? i felt so dirty, so ashamed, and i wasn't sure if the first guy gave it to me and maybe my outbreak didn't happen right away or if it was from oral sex. Well this was about 5 years ago. I am 25 years old now and i am married with a little boy. i have an outbreak about once a year. and its horrible and i wish everyday i could take it back what i did with those few men. it just goes to show it doesn't matter if you've had a few sexual partners or a lot. it can happen to anyone. I am a christian now, and i've prayed to be healed. but the fact remains the Lord can heal people but also there are consequences for our actions. and its something i still have to deal with. So far We have been blessed i was able to deliver my son vaginally i just had to take medicine everyday. and my husband hasn't gotten it yet. but we avoid sex during an outbreak. my only fear now is that if one day he were to get herpes from me that he will leave me.