I lost my virginity to my ex boyfriend (who didn't know I was a virgin) & I was recently tested positive for herpes. He thought I gave it to him!!!

I lost my virginity a few months ago to my ex boyfriend and it wasn't till 2 months after I started getting really bad pains when I peed and I figured it was a urinary tract infection. I called my doctor and she prescribed me medication for a UTI and I was fine for a few weeks but then it came back. But this time I was peeing blood and I thought my UTI came back or maybe I had a bladder infection or something. So I went to see my doctor and get checked out. She examined me, took a culture and said she was going to test me for STD's just in case. She called me at work a few days later and told me I had tested positive for herpes. I pretty much blacked out on the rest of our conversation and was just in absolute shock and I ran into the bathroom and broke down hysterically, I couldn't believe it. I had only been with ONE guy and I had only had sex maybe like 10 times, how could this happen to me? (The weirdest part about this is that I've never even had a herpes blister or sore or anything! It hurt really bad when I peed for those few weeks and I did pee blood a few times, but that was it. And those are symptoms of a UTI. And I researched about herpes and looked at pictures, and I know my body, I know for sure 100% that I never had ANY type of sore or blister on me externally.)

The worst thing about all of this is that my boyfriend didn't know I was a virgin. (I'm 24, and I was embarrassed to tell him) So he thought I gave it to him!!!!! And I'm not proud to say but people look at me and think I'm "easy" because of the way I look, and I hear it all the time. I have platinum blonde hair, I'm tan, I wear makeup, I pretty much look like a barbie doll. But deep down inside I'm just a shy, quiet girl who always wanted to hold out and wait until I found the perfect person who I was completely in love with, and I thought I had found him. So anyway, convincing him was the hardest. Apparently he had no idea he had it, so he freaked out. And then he told me that he had gotten tested 4 months before we started having sex and that he was clean, which doesn't make sense at all, so I think he lied to me about that. He didn't believe me that I was a virgin, but after laying out the truth about everything he started to, but he was still skeptical. I broke down completely and he started to see I wasn't lying.

He felt like complete shit and wanted to die for doing this to me and he said swore he had no idea he had it, and that he hadn't been with anyone for almost 10 months but they used a condom so he had no idea he had it, or who he even got it from. (his story still seems sketchy to me) Our relationship wasn't on the greatest terms, but he did a complete 180 and told me that we could get through this together and that we'd be together forever and that I was his number one priority and he reassured me how much he loved me that it was going to be okay.


Things were okay for about a week and if I'd ever bring it up, he'd flip out and tell me that he didn't want to talk about it because it made him depressed thinking about it, and the less he thought about it, the better. I was like WHAT?!?! I was so upset because not dealing with it doesn't mean it's going to go away and the fact that he wasn't running to his doctor to get tested and the fact that he seemed so unaffected by this, made me think he knew he had it :-/ so of course I brought that up to him and it only resulted in a fight. He made me seem like I was crazy to think that he would have unprotected sex with me if he had known he had herpes. And that's pretty much where we left it. We still continued to have unprotected sex because we figured we both have it, so what worse can happen, and nothing happened. Still never got any sores or anything, and we did have oral sex and I've still never gotten anything on my face either.

Well we ended up breaking up a few weeks ago because he got a new job where he was working all the time and he had no time for us anymore and I could just feel him breaking away from me. We no longer talk and I'm just devastated and heartbroken. I'm still in love with him and regardless of what he did to me, I still want to be with him because I love him. Now I just feel so alone more than before and it absolutely DEVASTATES me because I honestly feel that I'll never have a normal dating life. I feel like I'll never find anyone who understands, and I would NEVER, EVER want to put someone at risk at contracting it from me. I just don't understand how any human being could do this to someone and just be okay with knowing what they did and still leave you. Since he got mad when I brought it up, I never was really able to talk to anyone about it except my doctor, and talking to my mom about it, she gets all emotional and just makes me feel worse. So I apologize that this is so long but I just wanted to vent and share my story. I hope there's a normal life after this :-/ I'm not usually so emotional about this and I try to stay positive but tonight I'm just feeling more upset than usual.