I found out in the School Bathroom

by Jennifer
(Missouri)

I went to a suburban school and was very naive. He was my 1st at fourteen. We met in Jr. High and had planned on going to the same high school in the City. I changed a lot of my life for this guy. 8th grade year was all us. Summer came and we drifted off and on. High school he attended for a week and dropped out. We saw each other when we could. All the while leaving me in a terrible school alone, not knowing anyone. I had to fight a lot, it was like jail. In April we had a big date planned. He as always was my world. Two days later I woke up for school with the worst pain. I was completely swollen in side and hurt very badly. I could feel it when I walked. Like the worst yeast infection in the world, no itching just pain and swelling. I went to school and before 1st hour went to the east side girls bathroom. I remember finally looking down there and crying so hard. I knew something was very wrong. I heard the bell ring as I light a cigarette. I left school and took the 1st bus home. That's when I started skipping school a lot. I remember going to a friends house. Her mother was so mad! I should of been at school. I feel into tears and told her the whole thing. She took me home and the car ride was surreal. Quietly awkward, and the day was cold and cloudy. She spoke to my mother and I was at the doctors office in a few hours. My pap was Embarrassing. Here was my Doctor. Whom I've seen since a baby, giving me my 1st pap! And by the way, throw in a STD test while your at it! I was so ashamed. They were all very caring and supportive considering I was just a baby, in love and stupid! My mother, knowing his, called her. Words exchanged. I never saw or spoke to him again.
I became depressed. Developed PTDS and a lot of anxiety. Over the years I have learned to deal with this and talk about it. I since have had partners and all of them have known. I have learned that If they love you it doesn't matter. I'm now married with two boys. I had vaginal births with both. No signs of outbreak during labor. My boys did not come out covered in herpes! Nor do they have it. In 8 years they have not picked it up from a toilet. Don't worry theses are questions I have asked myself. Yes, my husband and I have unprotected sex now and then. I usually don't have outbreaks and He does not appear to have contracted the virus according to his Doctor and my close observation;) I do not recommend having unprotected sex. STD or not! My husband and I have been married since 2000. At this point in our lives he doesn't care if he contracts it or not. As he put it "I'm not going anywhere!" I still try and use protection as much as possible out of consideration for him. I would not wish this on anyone and it can be very painful. I took valtrex for a while. However most insurances will not cover it and it can be very pricey! I'm now looking into some of these topical products. I've had about 6 outbreaks from 15 to 29. I believe that at least some treatment is necessary to start. I took valtrex for a 4-5 yr period straight while under my parents coverage. I believe it has helped suppress it.

I saw this guy a few months back. I always had a big speech planned of what I would say to him. At one point in my life I wanted to just physically hurt him. It was odd. I approached him and asked if he remembered me. He said no and I told him my name. His eyes got full and watery and he smiled and said "yes I remember you" He turned to the huge door behind the step he was on and said " I live here now" I never felt more sad, and happy all at once to see him & his feeling was mutual. I ran through my life real quick and he said he is just trying to get through each day. I felt such forgiveness for him. I'm not sure if it's because he was so genuinely happy for me, or because he was doing so bad, or that 14 years had gone by & we had learned there is so much more to life.