Go Easy On Yourselves

by Ralph

HSV1 or HSV2 isn't the end of the world. My wife and I live with it just fine. When I met her some 20 years ago after my first wife and I separated, we had sex once before she told me. Her HSV2 was dormant at the time, and it didn't affect me. A few months later she had an outbreak in the form of a small lesion on her perineum (between her vaginal opening and her anus) where she always got them, and we "reasoned" that since it was at a distance from her clitoris, it would be all right for me to give her oral sex. Well, it wasn't. I got a huge HSV2 infection in my mouth. I had one lesion on my tongue that resembled the coning tower on a submarine. It lasted about a week and a half and was gone.

Since then, I have not had another HSV2 outbreak although the HSV1 infection I got in my mouth as a child does flare up once or twice a year as it always has. Also, in the last 15 plus years my wife and I have had intercourse a number of times when she has had an outbreak, and I have never developed any symptoms in my genital area. An infectious disease doctor opined that I probably developed enough antibodies with my first infection that I have been protected from contracting it elsewhere on my body, and it has suppressed any further outbreaks in my pharynx.

Now this. You can judge me if you want, I really don't care, but this is about offering you some reference points, so here's how it is. I have also had intercourse with some other women to include my ex-wife after I met my current wife both before and after we got married, and none of the other women have developed any symptoms. When I explained the risks to the other women, most but not all of the single women wanted to use a condom, not that it's all that obvious just how much protection is afforded from HSV by a condom. You and your partner still have a lot of skin that comes in contact with each other. For the married women, interestingly, in spite of having the risk explained to them, all of the married women have readily opted to perform the intercourse without protection. Ostensibly, no one has gotten infected (or pregnant).


Yeah, HSV isn't curable, but that usually isn't much of an issue. I see the terror and depression in your messages, and I've had 20 years of experience with HSV2 and 60 years with HSV1, and for almost all of you, your concerns are far bigger than you are going to find your life with HSV is actually going to be. For most people, it's dormant most of the time and life is completely normal like you don't even have it. As I saw one infectious disease expert write, it's not that much of a problem and everyone should catch it so we can stop talking about it. Don't condemn yourselves. You are not a lesser person for having an HSV infection. On average, you might have to refrain from some activity for a brief period of time every few months or years, but it's pretty much business as usual. It's not something that you need to avoid relationships and sexual activity over. Give yourselves a break. If you have a concern, the unfaithfulness of a partner is likely a far bigger issue than the infection, and I of all people should be talking about that, huh?