a life changer

by Ashley
(washington dc)

all started when i lost my virginity. Thought i was madly in love with this kid, but come to find out, he gave me the clap. i was shocked and could not believe what i was hearing. So, i made myself move on. As all girls know, once you start you always crave it. Meet another boy, at a party one night. dated for months come to find out, i got herpes. In the doctor room, her telling me i had it, my heart fell out of my butt. I was scared. As i told him, he swore, and still swears, that he does not have it. Well, I was moving in the next couple months after that and i didn't know what to do with myself anymore. My mother was beyond upset with me, and as for dad, doesn't even know yet and hopefully never will. I let go of myself. I did some pretty dumb stuff to myself then and still kinda do. Like cutting, smoking, drinking, snorting. As i realized and gained to just live with my life the way it is, i started to stop. research all the time to learn and realized that its really not the end of the world. I'm still shocked to this day about how Ive had only two partners and has and still has an STD. I now go by, live life. I'm smarter now. haven't had sex since. and if i do in the future, use a condom. No one knows of my friends and as they tell me all the stories of the boyfriends doing oral, in the back of my mind i say, "honey, Ive got type two herpes" which is like a regular cold sore on your lip. Cant stop you. but just really hope and wish, its really not the end of the world.