56, widowed, flings, remarried, herpes

by jo
(ohio)

I was widowed at the age of 50 after 29 years of marriage and never had a sexual relationship with anyone else during that time. My husband had a bad car accident 8 years prior to his death and sex was near void. After a year & 1/2 I started "dating" out of sheer loneliness. Had a few ridiculous flings and decided that I would rather be alone till I was re-connected with an old high school friend whom we got married. I had been under extreme stress for this past year, especially in the last month due to family/friends illness's/death. I have been married now for 4 years and two weeks ago developed a cluster of pus-filled blisters the size of a nickel on right side of my vulva. Right away I suspected herpes but couldn't understand how I got them. I was at the dr.'s just 8 days prior and thought it may have come from an unclean speculum used in my pap exam (which from what I understand is not likely as the virus can not live very long on inanimate objects.) She looked right away and said yes, this is herpes. She took a sample, sent to the lab for verification. I was hoping it was a case of vulvitis which is similar to herpes but is not viral and is treatable. It came back positive. Before the outbreak I also had some abdominal pain on and off and I could feel enlarged lymph nodes near the surface of my abdomen which can be an onset symptom. My husband is very understanding about it. We are committed to one another with no expectations of being with other partners in the future. He too will go in to get tested. At 56, you think your safe when your older. This virus is not prejudice. Re: whomever you have sex with, it is an ongoing chain. "You" are sleeping with everyone of their previous exchanges, so on and so forth. No one is safe unless you take precautions and learn your own health status as well as your partner's prior to having sex. I could have been a carrier for many many years as my late husband use to get cold sores and the virus can be transferred via oral sex as well. It isn't a matter anymore of "where" I got it from. I did. I can beat myself up wondering to no avail. I accept my diagnosis. I hope others reading this find it helpful. My generation is not immune. I have since been tested for any other STD's including HIV, not hearing the results yet. I suggest everyone to be tested for all STD's no matter how old you are, married or not. If you have no health insurance such as myself, there are free clinics who perform these tests at no charge. Check your local city. Good luck and be safe.